Wednesday, April 13, 2011



I recall certain things about child hood.

I recall just getting up on a Saturday and running out of the house to play with my friends. I had no wallet, no money, no identification, no debts, no guilt, and really no worries whatsoever—that is until I got home again.

We would play baseball without umpires.

We would hang around the mall with no purpose.

And like the 70's Show, we would end up in somebody's basement even though it was the 50's and 60's.

Hell I had a bed and a card table and a four drawer clothes chest and a lamp in my basement office as a child. But I had it made cause out of my three other brothers, I had my own goddamn room.

I had no idea. I mean I had no ideas about anything.

Nobody ever read to me unless I was in school. No parent had anything to do with me when I was at home. Except for telling me to wash up and go to bed and to quit asking so many goddamn questions.

But I came to certain conclusions.

When I was a kid I thought Paladin's first name was 'Wire'.

I thought that Socrates was pronounced So-crates like orange crates.

I thought Washington was pronounced Warshington.

I thought Arkansas was pronounced Ark-kansas. (Turns out there is a river pronounced Ark-kansas.)

I thought Puerto Rico was a foreign country.

I thought that the Revolutionary War was the only way to establish a free country on this continent!

I thought the Mayans (whoever they were) invented Mayo.

Communists were all bald and wished to destroy my country.

Arabs wrote neat stories. (I mean they really did write neat stories)

War is hell but it's a good way to reach some sort of recognition from others.

People on TV cared about me.

Hitler was a bad guy and Stalin was a bad guy; so I guessed you had to pick your poisons in this world.

You cannot do anything in this universe without money. (See, my deductions were not all wrong!)

We would all die once nuclear war began; and it would begin any minute and hiding under your desk would do you no good; and it would all be the commies' fault. And death was a very bad condition to find oneself in. And you should never end a sentence with a preposition, unless it is absolutely necessary.

We Americans have freedom of speech and commies wish to take away our freedom of speech so we cannot permit commies to speak freely.

Thou shalt not kill unless you come upon a commie or a NAZI; and you are properly armed.

You should never use atomic bombs unless you are dealing with the Japs.

We have free elections in this country. I mean we had two choices and the commies only had one.

Education is the only way out of this mess; otherwise you will spend your worthless life making a buck an hour.

Roman Catholicism is the only true religion and everyone else is going to hell.

These types of misconceptions came to me on my own.

My parents helped me to acquire even worse misconceptions.

If someone fell out of an airplane or jumped from a tall building..well..
He was dead before he hit the ground!

Mexicans always have head lice.

Paul Harvey knew what he was talking about.

Huntley was bluntly and Brinkley was twinkly but Cronkite told the truth.

The Chinese could not go to church and children would report their parents to the authorities.

We had Miracle Whip because Mayo was for rich folks.

I thought that Vericose veins were very close veins and had nothing to do with the fact that mums never exercised.

Lee J. Cobb sold out his friends at the McCarthy Hearings.

It was normal for men to wear dresses as long as they were priests.

White girls should never, never, never have sex with Negroes.

The best people in the world drink a fifth a day.


Alan said...

Quite the little link-fest, there, DD. And it brings back memories, though mine were from Catholic school on the West Side of Chicago.



yeah, too many links but sometimes it looks like I am pulling thoughts out of my arse. ha!

As always, thanks for taking the time!