Let the jury consider their verdict," the King said, for about the twentieth time that day.
"No, no!" said the Queen. "Sentence first -- verdict afterward."
"Stuff and nonsense!" said Alice loudly. "The idea of having the sentence first!"
"Hold your tongue!" said the Queen, turning purple.
"I won't!" said Alice.
The Queen Sarah, the Great Alaskan Moose called the meeting to order.
Principals, principles, pince-nez…these are why we are gathered here today. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS I SAY.
Just so my campaign makes money here, said Angle the furry possum.
Campaign, I say champagne instead exclaimed Curly Rand, the porcupine with the twisted tines.
We must be serious interjected Christine, the virgin wolf. No champagne, no alcohol of any sort, that is what I say.
Should be outlawed, against the law is what I say, screamed Angle.
Why is that Alaskan goat guy nekked? shrieked Princess Michelle.
Oh he is one of those naturalist mountaineers, from Alaska you know. He and the Queen used to hunt otters and squirrels from those helicopters. Explained the Possum.
Why then did he arrive here at our tea party? Queried the furry possum. And are you sure he likes oil? She added.
All of a sudden, McConnell the Duck arrived on the scene.
Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack….
YOU WERE NEVER INVITED TO OUR PARTY YOU LOUSY QUACKER!!! Princess Michelle was adamant.
McConnell waddled closer toward the banquet table. The Alaskan goat looked askance at the duck while he licked himself furiously.
The Newt then scampered in.
WE DO NOT NEED INSURANCE RIGHT NOW. OFF WITH HIS HEAD. OFF WITH HIS HEAD the Moose shrieked.
You would not even be having this tea party had it not been for the duck and me. We stopped socialism in its evil tracks for decades, we made sure that jobs were the top priority and the only real way of getting jobs is by lowering taxes—which is what we did. We now have a Kenyan Muslim priest as our president who cannot even produce a birth certificate and who is against family values and who is about to lead the fatwa upon all of our heads…………
Quite a speech from the Newt but it fell on deaf ears.
If It’s under 75 pounds you do not have to weight it Angle the Possum proffered.
Then how will you discover if the package is under 75 pounds retorted the porcupine.
I don’t care what anyone says, this party is for abolishing the IRS tomorrow, this party is for abolishing the department of Education; this party is for abolishing the Department of Commerce (I mean what in god’s name does the Department of Commerce do all day anyway?); this party is for abolishing the Department of Transportation; this party is for the abolition of the House of Representatives (unless we win of course); this party is for states rights; this party is in favor of …suddenly the Possum lost her line of thought.
And abolishing sex, that is important too and of the utmost importance added the Virgin Wolf.
Well we do not really want to get too carried away here sighed The Newt.
Rover the Hedgehog wandered in whilst all the forest animals conferred. Rover attempted to confer with The Newt when he farted and the entire room fell silent.
Bean tacos, sorry Rover cried.
We don’t need yer kind here Princess Michele exclaimed. Yer kind likes debt, yer kind likes free trade, yer kind bails out banks and hedgehog funds….
You would not even be here if it weren’t for the Hedgehog and me exclaimed The Newt…we were there before you arrived, we fought against bj’s in the Oval Office, we fought for tax refunds to the tax payers, we fought against health care and alms for the poor and…..
Again, the entire room went back to conversing with one another ignoring the Newt and opening the window for relief from the great wind left by the Hedgehog.
Anybody got any carrots? asked the goat.